JMC Coconut Massage Milk

Energy Drinks

All that cleaning and scrubbing making you feel a bit tired and run down? Then pop round to the nearest vending machine and treat to yourself to a shot of revitalising energy from our selection of canned drinks.

Talkie Toaster

"Can I just ask one question... would anyone like any toast?"

Manufactured by Taiwan-based Crapola Inc, the best-selling Talkie Toaster is novelty kitchen appliance said to be able to sense the mood of its owner and engage in breakfast conversation appropriately.

However, this isn't exactly true.

While it starts with polite suggestions, regardless of which model or design you own, if you don't want toast right this minute, it launches into a tirade of demands, hysterical sobbing, guilt trips, extortion, and even verbal abuse.

Ultimately, despite containing a quite powerful A.I., it is totally single-minded and tries to steer every conversation to the subject of toast.

As a cost-cutting exercise, Talkie Toasters are not fitted with a Silicon Heaven belief chip, and therefore have no concept of an afterlife, or even right and wrong.

Following a deal with actress Myra Binglebat (of Casablanca fame), an "extras pack" was made available after the 2145 release of her most famous movie, that allows talking appliances, such as Talkie Toasters, to adopt Binglebat's voice and personality.

Vending Machines

The Red Knight is well stocked with vending machines that, when properly maintained and supplied, are capable of producing a wide variety of food and drink to suit (nearly) all tastes.

Many of the vending machines have their own artificial intelligence, independent of the ship-wide A.I., Tim.

However, this means that many of them have lost their minds after three million years without human contact.

Here are a few examples of the machines and their services:

JMC Cola

Looking for a less alcoholic accompaniment for your curry? Then try JMC Cola, a sweetened, carbonated soft drink available from many vending machines around the Red Knight.

Mothman Black IPA

Mothman is the only serious challenger to Leopard Lager as the 'drink of choice' for crews on the deep-space mining ships.

It's a 6.7% strength medium black ale;  however it's usually in short supply as the producers of Leopard Lager have struck a more favourable deal with the JMC

Pure Himalayan Yeti Meat

Shortly after Yetis - aka The Abominable Snowman - were actually discovered living in the Himalayas in the mid-23rd Century, they were promptly hunted to near extinction before being saved by an intensive captive breeding and cloning programme.

This, in turn, resulted in a surfeit of Yetis... a problem solved by the subsequent discovery that they tasted rather nice.

Tinned Yeti Meat has since become a fixture of kitchen cupboards around the globe and throughout colonised space.

Leopard Lager & Curry

Leopard Lager is a popular brand of lager (5.1% alcohol by volume), brewed under license and stocked as standard-issue aboard JMC vessels.

The Red Knight is incredibly well-stocked with supplies of Leopard Lager

The perfect accompaniment for a regulation space curry.

Leopard Premium Lager