"You've Got To Laugh, Haven't You?"

I made this!

"It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building! Something terrible is about the enter our world and this building is obviously the door. The architect's name was Ivo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then in 1920 he founded a secret society...

"After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof, bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world, and now it looks like it may actually happen!"

Not the introduction to a Call of Cthulhu adventure, but some of Egon's dialogue from the original Ghostbusters and highly pertinent to what I want to try and say here.

Speaking as someone who is still entertaining the idea of running a Red Dwarf RPG campaign, I have strong feelings about the intersection of comedy and roleplaying games.

Where I feel the old Ghostbusters RPG went wrong - although I fully understand why they did it - was to establish a game world more inspired by the cartoons than the movie, full of bad puns, books with silly names, aliens in sports car etc

The original Ghostbusters movie (a horror-comedy) worked because it was a seriously scary situation (just read the backstory, above, again) being handled by humorous characters (i.e. players in an RPG).

The humour comes from the approach of the characters (and their wildly variable skill checks) rather than the situation per se.

For me, that's where roleplaying game comedy comes from.

Why do you think there are so many memes about Ravenloft campaigns featuring Leslie Nielsen's vampire from Dracula: Dead and Loving It?

When a module (or game) tries to be funny, it has to take the simplest approach, and that's the most universal. Which usually means bad puns.

And, I don't know if it's my British "stiff-upper-lipness" but I'd be too embarrassed to read out a NPC's dreadful pun name (Ivor Clue, anyone?) to my group.

Humour is very personal, what's funny to one group may mean nothing to another.

I'd rather listen to me and my movie buddy Paul riff on a naff horror film than ever listen to something like Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Not because I think we're better at it than MST3K, it's just we've developed our own in-jokes over years of watching crap movies and have our own points of reference that probably wouldn't mean anything to anyone else unfortunate enough to be listening in.

And it's the same for comedy in roleplaying games.

Of course, there are extreme comedy games, like the delightful Toon and Rocky & Bullwinkle, which are all about slapstick and establishing a cartoon verisimilitude, but they really lean into the craziness and are a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

However, take the set-up of Red Dwarf: the last surviving human (a bloke) who will never, ever, meet another human being in his life, have a family etc and knows he's doomed to die alone; a hologram of priggish nemesis; an insane supercomputer; and an amoral creature evolved from a feral cat.

Ghostbusters

In different hands, and depending how lenient the gamesmaster was, that set-up could unfold into a grimdark tale of Lovecraftian cosmic horror and existential anxiety.

But, in the hands of most roleplayers, it's almost certainly going to degenerate into wonderful silliness, knob gags, and banter.

A good gaming group, especially one that has been together for years and knows each other's senses of humour, can - sometimes too easily - turn any "serious" gaming set-up into a comedy.

I'm not talking about totally taking the piss and trashing the campaign setting (that's just childish and idiotic behaviour), but having a laugh within the confines of the game can be very therapeutic.

There's always room for witty word play and the occasional actual joke written into the setting, but the players don't need to meet "NPCs with funny names".

They're gamers. Having fun.

If they have the imagination to play a roleplaying game, the chances are your players have a good sense of humour, so give them free rein to crack wise occasionally.

Sometimes, of course, this isn't appropriate for the setting or mood that the gamesmaster has carefully crafted, and he's quite within his rights to put his foot down, and remind the players that (imaginary) lives are at stake.

It's just telling the group that you're playing, say, a Ghostbusters or Red Dwarf campaign gives players licence to relax a little, not take their characters' serious jobs so seriously, and relish in their screw-ups.

The Last News Story

The shared internal communications network on Red Knight, offering an array of entertainment and educational programs, also operated its own simple "ship's news" service, usually limited to covering promotions, interesting astrological sightings, new menu items in the cafeteria, what was showing in the ship's cinema etc

It was part of the duties of the ship's morale officer to update this service on a daily basis, which meant that sometimes they had to really stretch the definition of the word "news".

However, they were also in the fortunate position of being the only news presence to cover the "incident" which wiped out the crew of the mining ship three million years ago.

This was the last news story ever published on RedNet.

Other newspapers were available for download to the crew's personal display units, for a small deduction from their company credit.

Unfortunately the digital issues stopped updating as soon as the Red Knight left Earth's sub-space comms range.

JMC Coconut Massage Milk

Sports in The 23rd Century

Jim Bexley Speed - star roof attack of The London Jets

By the 23rd Century (when The Red Knight was setting off on its fateful voyage) there had been a seismic shift in sports, due to advances in technology.

The two most popular spectator sports now were Zero-Gee Football (a combination of football, American football, rugby, mixed martial arts, and jet packs), known as Aeroball in Europe.

Played in an arena, as shown below, the idea is for the jet-packing wearing players to get the ball into the elctro-spike-protected goals (or 'score tanks'), secured hundreds of feet in the air, up enormous metal poles at each end of the playing area.

Teams of seven, equipped with state-of-the-art jet packs, would defy gravity and common sense every weekend in stadia around the globe to do aerial battle.

Artist's impression of The Berlin Bandits' "Thrill Bowl" 

Famous teams included The London Jets (home to superstar player, roof attack Jim Bexley Speed) and the Berlin Bandits.

From the personal collection of Captain Lister, a lifelong fan of The London Jets

Meanwhile, sports such as cricket and baseball had merged with the technology of the day to create jetball. 

A souped-up version of baseball which, like Zero-G Football, employed robotic referees to eliminate the risk of human error (and financial corruption) in the big money world of global sports.

Otto Sump's Ugly Products

Are your chiselled good looks or perfect curves attracting too much attention for all the wrong reasons? Do you want people to think you have an interesting personality as well? Then:

Get Wise! Get Ugly! Get Otto Sump!

Visit your local Otto Sump Ugly Clinic and see how we can change your life!

Energy Drinks

All that cleaning and scrubbing making you feel a bit tired and run down? Then pop round to the nearest vending machine and treat to yourself to a shot of revitalising energy from our selection of canned drinks.

If You Want It... Kerblam It!

Kerb!am, or Kerblam, was the largest online retailer in the galaxy. Only 10 percent of its workforce were humans, or "organics", whilst the rest were robot TeamMates (floor workers) and Kerb!am Men (delivery robots).

Security Guards

While The Red Knight is a civilian vessel of the JMC, it retains a small troop of armed and armoured guards that patrol the sensitive areas of the ship, suppress riots, and provide shipboard defence against any antagonistic intruders.

They are regarded as the elite of the JMC Security Branch, having undergone extensive training to qualify them as the only people allowed to carry - and use - firearms on a space-going vessel.

Dressed in black armour over a dark blue jumpsuit, the guards are the heavy duty arm of the security branch, supplementing the more numerous - and unarmed - "red shirts" that act as a police force for the city-sized spaceship.

Sleeping Quarters

With a crew complement of 1,169, The Red Knight needs a lot of sleeping accommodation.

While senior officers are entitled to individual rooms, the rest of the crew are all in shared, double-bunk, quarters.

Voice-activated toilet

Unsurprisingly, the lower down the pecking order a crewman is the more basic his sleeping quarters.

The lowest of the low - such as the crew that maintain Sector 7B - get the basic "ocean grey" colour scheme, a computer terminal, table and chairs, a sink, storage lockers, and a voice-activated toilet, hidden in the wall that pivots out when required.

Note: The inflatable banana does not come as a standard fitting.

The JMC Marketing Department felt the addition of an inflatable banana to their publicity shots would make the quarters feel more "appealing" and distract from the soul-crushing industrial greyness of an area where people would spend a lot of their off-duty time.

Did it work?

Captain Lister inspects the crew quarters

Officers' quarters tend to be brighter coloured (cream or red, generally) with more room and better facilities (personal showers, food dispensers etc).

It is a JMC practice to house most crew in double rooms, so that crewmen aren't left on their own for long periods of time in the depths of space.

The general feeling is that it is better to have someone to talk to, even if you don't get on with them, than staring into the abyss on your own for weeks on end.

Officers' quarters

Officers have more spare dollarpounds for 'souvenirs' and reminders from home to clutter up their rooms

Some officers go to great lengths to "customise" their sleeping quarters

Talkie Toaster

"Can I just ask one question... would anyone like any toast?"

Manufactured by Taiwan-based Crapola Inc, the best-selling Talkie Toaster is novelty kitchen appliance said to be able to sense the mood of its owner and engage in breakfast conversation appropriately.

However, this isn't exactly true.

While it starts with polite suggestions, regardless of which model or design you own, if you don't want toast right this minute, it launches into a tirade of demands, hysterical sobbing, guilt trips, extortion, and even verbal abuse.

Ultimately, despite containing a quite powerful A.I., it is totally single-minded and tries to steer every conversation to the subject of toast.

As a cost-cutting exercise, Talkie Toasters are not fitted with a Silicon Heaven belief chip, and therefore have no concept of an afterlife, or even right and wrong.

Following a deal with actress Myra Binglebat (of Casablanca fame), an "extras pack" was made available after the 2145 release of her most famous movie, that allows talking appliances, such as Talkie Toasters, to adopt Binglebat's voice and personality.

Casablanca (2145)

"Of all the space bars in all the worlds, you had to re-materialise in mine!"

Generally regarded as the definitive version of this classic tale, the remake of Casablanca (starring Myra Dinglebat and Peter Beardsley) released in 2145 was another fixture in the movie rotation at The Red Knight's cinema.

A Crapola Picture Production, Casablanca was a pioneering movie in its use of a combined human, mechanoid, and waxdroid cast.

Unfortunately, also being a Crapola Pictures Production, Binglebat's name was misspelled on all the posters for the movie!

As recompense, she was granted a percentage of the profits from an "Extras Pack", sold by Crapola Inc, that allowed talking appliances, such as Talkie Toasters and Talkie Toilets, to adopt Binglebat's voice and personality.

The waxdroid of Peter Beardsley was based on the late 20th Century no-gee footballer who, primarily, played for Newcastle United, Liverpool and Everton, before turning to management.Unfortunately his coaching career ended in disgrace and it's believed that it was around this time he sold his likeness rights to a company that would eventually begin the manufacture of waxdroids.

It's unclear what Crapola Pictures saw in the Beardsley waxdroid that made him perfect for the lead role in Casablanca, but they never used him again, instead shunting him away to some off-world amusement park to live out his days in anonymity.

Ouroboros Batteries

Xpress Lifts

As opposed to the standard JMC Elevators (for travelling short distances between levels of Red Knight), the Xpress Lifts are designed specifically for long journeys up and down the massive starship.

Labelled in both English and Esperanto, an Xpress Lift is the size of a room, and comes complete with several comfortable chairs, a water cooler, a fully stocked magazine rack, and a food vending machine.

In-lift video entertainment is available, or travellers can simply enjoy the piped muzak.

The automated hostess will direct users to the Black Box emergency pack, in case anything goes wrong, which includes facilities for recording last will and testament, as well as a supply of cyanide pills.

The standard JMC Elevators (or lifts) come in all shapes and sizes, and have their own basic A.I. operating system.

The final public transport system on The Red Knight is the metro (or shuttle train), a rapid transit-style type of transportation even faster than the Xpress Lifts.

There are several routes spanning the length and breadth of The Red Knight, wrapping inside and outside the craft, each one names after a London Underground route.

Crewmen, even the captain, are required to pay a fare to use the metro.

Shuttle Train

From The Magazine Rack: The Castigator

Nothing keeps you up-to-date better than a 3,000,000-year-old newspaper.

One of Earth's more high-brow publications, The Castigator - popular among the ship's officers - is one of many newspapers available for download to the crew's personal display units, for a small deduction from their company credit.

Unfortunately the digital issues stopped updating as soon as The Red Knight left Earth's sub-space comms range.

From The Magazine Rack: Zord

Just one of many magazines available for download to the crew's personal display units, for a small deduction from their company credit.

Language

By the late 22nd Century, when The Red Knight set off on its fateful voyage, the English language had evolved from what we use today (in the early 21st Century), particularly in the area of cursing.

Most offensive terms that were common in the 21st Century have now been replaced by variations of the word "smeg", such as "smegging", "smegger", "smeg-head", "smeg-for-brains" "smegwit", "smegwad" etc.

Smeg has become a universal expletive for everyday use.

Sometimes, however, terms such as "gimboid" and "goit" seem more appropriate to the situation (both being derivations of a term for a "stupid person" or "male genitalia").

Also, much to the amazement of many people (particularly the descendants of 19th Century Polish ophthalmologist Ludwik Lejzer Zamenhof), the constructed international auxiliary language of Esperanto has made a comeback.

This is thanks to its adoption as the semi-official language of the Space Corps, which its officers are expected (but not required) to learn.

Most of the Jupiter Mining Corporation mining ship Red Knight (La Ruĝa Kavaliro) is labelled in both English and Esperanto, for example Levels (the correct JMC jargon for the ship's decks) are also labelled as "Nivelos"; the Xpress Lifts are also labelled as "Kspress Liftoj"; the Botanical gardens are also called "Botaniko ĝardenoj"; and the Observation Dome is also labelled "Observad Kupola".

This also means William Shatner's 1965 horror movie Incubus (the first to filmed completely in Esperanto) gets frequent airings in The Red Knight's main cinema, as per JMC statutes.

From The Magazine Rack: Up Up & Away

This free 120-page publication can be found tucked in the magazine rack of any JMC space shuttle.

Stasis Booths

Originally developed for extrasolar travel, the stasis booth (or "pod") allows its incumbent to survive journeys of extreme lengths without ageing a day.

"The stasis room creates a static field of time. See, just as X-rays can't pass through lead, time cannot penetrate a stasis field. So, although you exist, you no longer exist in time, and for you time itself does not exist. You see, although you're still a mass, you are no longer an event in space-time, you are a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero."

- Lt. Cmdr Frank Todhunter, JMC

The concept of "stasis" was originally devised for interstellar travel for astros in search of extraterrestrial life, based on work done by Albert Einstein.

Einstein gave up on the theory after having an affair with Marilyn Monroe and spent the rest of his life having cold showers.

After those initial interstellar expeditions failed to find anything, human interest in space exploration waned.

Also, due to the use of the stasis field, many astros were now younger than their decedents, which made billions for the greeting cards industry.

Although the presence of a stasis booth on The Red Knight could now be regarded as rather archaic, it is a requirement under JMC guidelines as it can be used as a punishment for certain shipboard crimes where a miscreant is locked away for the duration, forfeiting his pay for that period.

Crewmen are also able to "rent" time in the pod, where they can spend an evening or so "not ageing".

It's also a good place to avoid ship-wide disasters.

NB. Captain Lister has his own, personal, booth in his cabin - which he uses to preserve food and drink.

From The Magazine Rack: Creative Evolution

Just one of many magazines available for download to the crew's personal display units, for a small deduction from their company credit.

Meet Your (Late) Captain

Prior to "the accident", the Captain's Office (adjacent to the Drive Room, on Level 147), was occupied by Captain David Lister.

A former technician on The Red Dwarf, he saved that ship and its crew through his discovery of a faulty drive plate, thus preventing a catastrophic Cadmium II radiation leak.

That brought the life-long London Jets fan to the attention of the JMC top brass and quicker than you can say "up the ziggurat lickedy-split", he was on a fast track to becoming captain.

Captain Lister

After several jags on The Red Dwarf, and now married to a exotic dancer, Crystal (who danced on table nine at The Multiverse strip club on Venus), he was offered the captaincy of the JMC's flagship miner: The Red Knight.

As part of his deal with JMC for saving The Red Dwarf, the mustachioed, cigar-smoking Lister refused the cash settlement he was offered and instead negotiated for shares.

No one could have foreseen that the Dwarf would soon stumble upon a planet rich in Helium-7*, making Lister a fortune.

After returning the Dwarf to Earth one final time, Lister took over the reins of The Red Knight for what would turn out to be a life-changing voyage for most of its crew (i.e. changing them from alive to dead!).

One aspect of his time on Red Dwarf that Captain Lister had transferred with him to the Red Knight was a personal stasis booth in his office, which he used to store food and drink, ensuring it was always fresh.

* Helium-7 is an extremely rare - and thus valuable - natural resource, highly prized by the Jupiter Mining Corporation. However, it was also highly combustible.