Space Corps Directives

• 001 It is a prime overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible, bring them home.
• 003 By joining Star Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.
• 005 The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the gross endangerment of personnel.
• 112 A living crewmember always outranks a mechanical.
• 142 In a hostage demand situation, a hologrammatic crewmember is entirely expendable.
• 147 Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.

• 169 States that in a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule.
• 169A A directive mandating holograms to relinquish their run-time in order to save another hologram deemed more important or useful.
• 195 States that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
• 312 All quarantine berths must provide minimum leisure activities.
• 349 Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.
• 497 A crew member must work to earn credits for food.
• 592 In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.
• 595 Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however, if the people can use Space Corps Directive 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.
• 596 The crew's files are for the eyes of the captain only.
• 597 One berth per registered crew member
• 699 A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than five days.
• 723 Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.
• 997 Work done by an officer's doppelganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
• 1138B, section 14, sub-paragraph M A directive that may have contained the Interplanetary Salvage Code (see #41720201A).
• 1694 During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him/her clocking off 187 years before he/she clocked on.
• 1742 No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.
• 1743 If any Space Corps senior enters a combat situation in a heavy volume, blonde or ginger toupee, their junior subordinates are cleared to relive them of duty.
• 1744 No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.
• 3211 A directive expressing the necessity to investigate Star Fleet derelicts for survivors and, when necessary, scavenge for supplies.

• 5796 No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.
• 5797 A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew when in an area of chameleonic lifeforms.
• 7214 To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.
• 7713 The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
• 76239 Extreme caution should be taken on the naturist deck when peeling carrots.
• 34124 No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
• 43872 Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
• 68250 A rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.
• 196156 Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.
• 1947945 A mechanoid may issue orders to human crew members if the lives of said crew members are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat.
• 1947890(see also #12366547621876/C) Space Corps super-chimps performing acts of indecency in zero-gravity will lose all banana privileges.
  
• 41720201A Search and rescue becomes salvage if there are no survivors but their technology remains. This is known as the "waste not, want not" directive, a subsection of the "finders keepers, losers weepers" clause.
• 41920202A In case of a ship wide emergency, please make sure you have an up-to-date, fully signed and verified From E42-A, Permission To Panic In Object Terror, on file with your ship's Chief of Operations and Human Resources Department. Not having the form on file or having it filed improperly may result in wages being docked in the event you lose your shit.
• 39436175880932/B All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space.